Summer Nights

Last night #34 (singing loudly and terribly out of tune) was crossed off the list thanks to the birthday festivities of my friend Laurie.  I almost missed the opportunity, conveniently not putting 2 and 2 together (list + karaoke machine + group of pals), but my friends have the minds of elephants and graciously shined the spotlight on the opportunity at hand.


Song of choice was Summer Nights from Grease.  Could there be a more campy tune?  Good news is I  knew all of the words and I still belted my heart into the microphone out when the cd stopped mid song.  No harm done, I had survived.  And then today, it hit me that it was no accident that was the song I would sing out loud.  


To say I wasn't in the 'most popular' category as a child would have been an understatement.  My parents moved our family to Brazil in January of 1978.   Attending a wealthy American school, as the child of missionaries was a bit tough to do when you were in the 3rd grade.  That entire school year I would come home crying and beg my mom to let us go back home.  I didn't fit in and it was brutal.


My first glimmer of hope came at the end of the school year when I was invited to a slumber party.  The theme was....you guessed it, Grease, and I couldn't have been more excited.  The event itself proved to be a bit overwhelming and a comedy of errors.  My trying to hard, coupled with being a bit of a klutz and breaking a valuable knicknack while we danced to...Summer Nights.  I remember replaying that evening in my head for months, reflecting on what I would do different if I got invited to another party.  My next invite didn't come until a year later.


32 years after that fateful slumber party, I stood surrounded by my dearest pals singing and dancing to that dreaded song.  I had a ball and wasn't really thinking (or caring) what anyone thought.  It was exhilerating.  As I cross #34 off the list, I am reminded there are no accidents.  We are given opportunities learn and heal ourselves every day.  Sometimes we just have to be reminded to pause a moment and look for those connections, they are everywhere....even in a campy song.

Large Marge....

This week I began work on two of My 40 Things (#12 and #20).  Wahoo right?  Yeah, not so much.  I could have written my post on Tuesday and moved along to the next item, but I didn't.  Instead I have come up with every excuse in the book to delay writing about #20.  Let's just say that my initial euphoria with my bold transparent blog has temporarily lost a bit of it's shine.


I decided that to successfully (and transparently) work on #20, I need to have a starting point to measure my success against.  What could possibly be a better way to start the week than stepping on the scales?  So on Monday morning, up on the scales I went.  And, after seeing the #'s displayed in all of their flashing digital glory, I concluded that Mondays weren't the best day to start a weigh loss journey.  Many a weight loss failure story began with a Monday, SO I should change things up again and pick another day.  I made attempts on Tuesday, on Wednesday, and on Thursday.  I took Friday off (it seemed like a good thing to do) and tried weighing myself again today.  And you guessed it nothing changed, the same #'s flashing in my face.  I seriously need a new scale--something kinder, without harsh digital light, and absolutely NO flashing.


Today, on February 27, 2010 I weigh exactly 188.2 lbs.  God I hate writing those numbers down.  And, I am sure you can imagine that taking the picture wasn't much fun either.  It seemed more manageable to avoided the scale and keep my secret.  But, that wasn't really working for me.  I have a million questions and excuses of how I got to this point.  And, as of today I am letting go of both.  No more excuses, 15lbs here I come!


To help me put things in perspective, I did a bit of research about 15 lbs and learned that:

• Snow weighs 15 lbs per cubic foot.
• Meryl Streep had to put on 15 lbs to play Julia Child in the movie Julie & Julia.
• The Beer Barrel Belly Buster burger, served at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, PA weighs in at 15 lbs.
• The largest facial tumor in the world was recorded at 15lbs.  THAT is just plain gross.

To help me lose my 15 lbs I am creating the perfect exercise/yoga sanctuary (#12).  I am SO excited about this space.  It's not in the corner of a room or something you have to move furniture around to be able to use.  It is a real, bona fide, dedicated workout room and construction should be completed in the next few weeks.  I have been dreaming about this space for years.  A space that is all mine.  

My weight has been an issue the past 15 years.  A roller coaster of ups and downs reflecting the significant milestones and tragedies of my life.  A mirror into the deepest parts of myself and my fears of openness.  So, how can I start conquering those fears...

Blogging about my weight for 1.67 billion internet users (Wikipedia, June 2009) to access might be a good start?

Let the countdown begin...

Today I begin this wacky experiment of mine. To create a list of '40 Things' I want to do before I am 40, fully complete each of the 'things' before the big day (August 28, 2010), and blog about the experience.

Why the list and why blog? I am not sure I can fully explain, but am hoping the process brings me some clarity along the way. There is something that has been going on internally as I approach the big 4-0 and I have been struggling to articulate what's happening. It's like there is static electricity in the air and I feel it everywhere I go. The anticipation of possibilities is so strong, it's overwhelming, scary, and yet unavoidable.

Is what I am going through unique for women approaching 4-0 milestone? Heck no. I truly think my story is really every woman's story. What is unique is that I am doing something outside of my character. I like things to be buttoned up, tidy, and pretty on the outside. For me to throw caution to the wind, be transparent, and a bit of a visible mess....is the most fearless thing I have done in a long time.

So here I go. I will blog about my experiences of crossing things off the list, the wins, the losses, the frustrations, the celebrations, and most importantly the chaos in between. You may not find this blog to be entertaining, well written, or frankly make any sense. And, I don't care. This is MY journey and not worrying about what others think is something I haven't done in a really long time.....

188 days and counting....