Large Marge....

This week I began work on two of My 40 Things (#12 and #20).  Wahoo right?  Yeah, not so much.  I could have written my post on Tuesday and moved along to the next item, but I didn't.  Instead I have come up with every excuse in the book to delay writing about #20.  Let's just say that my initial euphoria with my bold transparent blog has temporarily lost a bit of it's shine.


I decided that to successfully (and transparently) work on #20, I need to have a starting point to measure my success against.  What could possibly be a better way to start the week than stepping on the scales?  So on Monday morning, up on the scales I went.  And, after seeing the #'s displayed in all of their flashing digital glory, I concluded that Mondays weren't the best day to start a weigh loss journey.  Many a weight loss failure story began with a Monday, SO I should change things up again and pick another day.  I made attempts on Tuesday, on Wednesday, and on Thursday.  I took Friday off (it seemed like a good thing to do) and tried weighing myself again today.  And you guessed it nothing changed, the same #'s flashing in my face.  I seriously need a new scale--something kinder, without harsh digital light, and absolutely NO flashing.


Today, on February 27, 2010 I weigh exactly 188.2 lbs.  God I hate writing those numbers down.  And, I am sure you can imagine that taking the picture wasn't much fun either.  It seemed more manageable to avoided the scale and keep my secret.  But, that wasn't really working for me.  I have a million questions and excuses of how I got to this point.  And, as of today I am letting go of both.  No more excuses, 15lbs here I come!


To help me put things in perspective, I did a bit of research about 15 lbs and learned that:

• Snow weighs 15 lbs per cubic foot.
• Meryl Streep had to put on 15 lbs to play Julia Child in the movie Julie & Julia.
• The Beer Barrel Belly Buster burger, served at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, PA weighs in at 15 lbs.
• The largest facial tumor in the world was recorded at 15lbs.  THAT is just plain gross.

To help me lose my 15 lbs I am creating the perfect exercise/yoga sanctuary (#12).  I am SO excited about this space.  It's not in the corner of a room or something you have to move furniture around to be able to use.  It is a real, bona fide, dedicated workout room and construction should be completed in the next few weeks.  I have been dreaming about this space for years.  A space that is all mine.  

My weight has been an issue the past 15 years.  A roller coaster of ups and downs reflecting the significant milestones and tragedies of my life.  A mirror into the deepest parts of myself and my fears of openness.  So, how can I start conquering those fears...

Blogging about my weight for 1.67 billion internet users (Wikipedia, June 2009) to access might be a good start?

Let the countdown begin...

Today I begin this wacky experiment of mine. To create a list of '40 Things' I want to do before I am 40, fully complete each of the 'things' before the big day (August 28, 2010), and blog about the experience.

Why the list and why blog? I am not sure I can fully explain, but am hoping the process brings me some clarity along the way. There is something that has been going on internally as I approach the big 4-0 and I have been struggling to articulate what's happening. It's like there is static electricity in the air and I feel it everywhere I go. The anticipation of possibilities is so strong, it's overwhelming, scary, and yet unavoidable.

Is what I am going through unique for women approaching 4-0 milestone? Heck no. I truly think my story is really every woman's story. What is unique is that I am doing something outside of my character. I like things to be buttoned up, tidy, and pretty on the outside. For me to throw caution to the wind, be transparent, and a bit of a visible mess....is the most fearless thing I have done in a long time.

So here I go. I will blog about my experiences of crossing things off the list, the wins, the losses, the frustrations, the celebrations, and most importantly the chaos in between. You may not find this blog to be entertaining, well written, or frankly make any sense. And, I don't care. This is MY journey and not worrying about what others think is something I haven't done in a really long time.....

188 days and counting....

The List

40 THINGS I WILL DO BEFORE I AM 40

1. Get a tattoo
2. Write a ‘This I Believe Essay’ and send to NPR
3. Learn to have fun asking questions vs. having the answers
4. Learn to swim
5. Learn to drive a stick shift
6. Learn to sew a button & a simple hem
7. Kiss Ann in the rain
8. Be fearless—risk failure
9. Practice daily random acts of kindness
10. Give a microloan to a woman in another country
11. Smile @ strangers
12. Set up a yoga/exercise space in my house
13. Pack my lunch instead of buying it
14. Watch a sunrise @ Mt. Tabor w/Ann on our bench
15. Fall asleep in a meadow while someone reads me a story
16. Have a conversation w/God daily
17. Host a dinner party under the stars
18. Write down every hurt or resentment that still stings---and have an ending event to let them go.
19. Reach out and reconcile old friendships
20. Lose 15 lbs
21. List 40 things I like about myself
22. Stop hitting the snooze button
23. Stop working through lunch
24. Walk a labyrinth
25. Cry
26. Journal weekly
27. Eat a fresh fig
28. Take a letter press class
29. Read everything by Dr. Seuss
30. Fly a kite
31. Look for God everywhere
32. Leave mystery gifts on my co-workers desks
33. Spend an afternoon laying on my back watching the clouds
34. Sing loudly and terribly out of tune
35. Put lawn gnomes in my neighbors yards (when they aren’t watching)
36. Take a basic cooking class
37. List the 100 priceless moments in my life thus far
38. Write down my favorite daily Atticus moments
39. Have a monthly date w/my wife
40. Create a blog and share my journey crossing the 40 things off my list