The only thing you are promised is this day

Today I sent my sister a text, "I miss us.  I miss talking to you.  I miss feeling connected.  Do you feel it too?"  And I cried.  Full on in your face crying in a hotel restaurant in Memphis.  Tears of joy?  No.  Tears of sadness, not really....just the realization that #25 getting crossed off the list was a long time in the making.

How is it that we let 'life' get in the way of truly feeling?  Not just the celebrations, but the tragedies, and every single magical moment in between.  Perception, pleasing others, and the rules of engagement for the 'game of life' seem to get in the way.  I wonder how much of life we miss in this vanilla state of living?

Over the past few weeks, I watched one of my dearest friends go through the heartache of losing her beloved mother.  Watching one of the strongest, most courageous, and stoic people in my life go through this process was one of the greatest testaments of love I have ever seen.  She amazed me with her balance of resilience, grief, and love.  Present, in the moment, she managed every conversation and situation with grace and heart.  She is her mother's daughter.

Each day presents us with moments, magical moments that I choose not to miss.  Maybe it is a sibling reaching out and boldly supporting you in a new and different way.  Or through a friend using her beloved mother's sewing kit to teach you how to sew--just the way her mother taught her so many years ago.

The only thing you are promised is this day.  What are you doing with your day?

Just call me the Incredible Hulk

What do a tattoo studio, letterpress class, & swim lessons all have in common?  They are all things I get to look forward to crossing off my list over the next 30 days.  And, to aid my journey I am adding a dose of fearlessness (#8) to the mix…..  

Feeling fearless is something I am having a lot of fun with these days.  Who knew I had it in me?  I have never been more true to myself or had more fun in my life than I am right now.   It’s as if I have a little skip in my step and am feeling a bit sassy.  Not the arrogant or annoying kind of sass, but the kind that you feel when the world is your oyster and you can’t wait for a brand new day. 

The funny thing is that the exterior world has not given me a break this past year.  I have never been more pushed or challenged in my entire life.  The myriad of events that keeps coming my way is overwhelming; the death of our beloved Emma, a 275 gal oil spill flooding our beautiful home, the most challenging professional transition of my career, cancer invading the bodies & families of everyone I hold dear, and loneliness that takes my breath away when Ann is on the road.

Yet, despite all of this STUFF I have never been stronger or more certain that the best is yet to come.  My fearlessness is coming from a fire that is burning from deep within and it would take a hurricane to extinguish this flame.   Where is this fearlessness coming from?  I think I have found my answer….and that is love.  Pure , simple, true, from the heart kind of love.  The kind of love that was intended to be given and received in abundance, every minute of every day.  The more I approach every person, thing, and experience from a place of love the more fearless I seem to become.  I get a visual of the transformation of the Incredible Hulk…I know not pretty, but that’s how it feels.  It’s addicting, has a ripple effect, and is completely free of charge.  So cliché, yet so perfectly, perfectly true.  Why the hell didn’t I try this earlier??

I have a plan of action on a few fun things on my list coming up in the next month.  I will be conquering a regret (learning to swim), learning a beautiful art (letterpress), and indulging a lifelong dream (my 1st tattoo).  But, I have to tell you my favorite thing I am crossing off my list is #08!   

Summer Nights

Last night #34 (singing loudly and terribly out of tune) was crossed off the list thanks to the birthday festivities of my friend Laurie.  I almost missed the opportunity, conveniently not putting 2 and 2 together (list + karaoke machine + group of pals), but my friends have the minds of elephants and graciously shined the spotlight on the opportunity at hand.


Song of choice was Summer Nights from Grease.  Could there be a more campy tune?  Good news is I  knew all of the words and I still belted my heart into the microphone out when the cd stopped mid song.  No harm done, I had survived.  And then today, it hit me that it was no accident that was the song I would sing out loud.  


To say I wasn't in the 'most popular' category as a child would have been an understatement.  My parents moved our family to Brazil in January of 1978.   Attending a wealthy American school, as the child of missionaries was a bit tough to do when you were in the 3rd grade.  That entire school year I would come home crying and beg my mom to let us go back home.  I didn't fit in and it was brutal.


My first glimmer of hope came at the end of the school year when I was invited to a slumber party.  The theme was....you guessed it, Grease, and I couldn't have been more excited.  The event itself proved to be a bit overwhelming and a comedy of errors.  My trying to hard, coupled with being a bit of a klutz and breaking a valuable knicknack while we danced to...Summer Nights.  I remember replaying that evening in my head for months, reflecting on what I would do different if I got invited to another party.  My next invite didn't come until a year later.


32 years after that fateful slumber party, I stood surrounded by my dearest pals singing and dancing to that dreaded song.  I had a ball and wasn't really thinking (or caring) what anyone thought.  It was exhilerating.  As I cross #34 off the list, I am reminded there are no accidents.  We are given opportunities learn and heal ourselves every day.  Sometimes we just have to be reminded to pause a moment and look for those connections, they are everywhere....even in a campy song.