Setting the gnomes loose

It's 2:18am on a Tuesday morning and something is in the air.  At first I thought it was the heartburn from too many a margarita, but then a series of odd visuals began flashing through my head like those old carousel slide projectors.  Perfect moments from the last 2 months that appear to just reflect the forward march of time.  Yet, in hindsight they almost seem...serendipitous.


Is there a better word than serendipity?  Thanks to my good friends at Wikipedia I learned, "the word derives from Serendip the Persian name for Sri Lanka".  "...and was coined by Horace Walpole in a letter he wrote, It was once when I read a silly fairy tale, called the Three Princes of Serendip:  as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of.."   Made me stop and pause for a moment.  Things they were not in quest of....  Could it be that the highnesses just did not realize what they were truly seeking?


I heart...

• Gnomes
• My family & friends
• A perfect cocktail
• The alterations lady at Nordstrom who looked me in the eye and told me I looked beautiful in my new swimsuit.
• Laughing so hard that I snort and don't care
• The perfect hug---a real hug, the kind that someone truly folds their arms around you and pauses for a moment
• A mentor-- who in one quick gaze at your face in passing knows something isn't right---and takes time to listen
• My P90x workout--and the fact I can't raise my arms above my head to blow dry my hair
• A wife who patiently listens to the roller coaster ride of emotions and stories about my grand quest
• My HS classmate who asked me what would happen if I set the gnomes loose (#35 on The List)

My wife and I received the gift of 'Nomar the Gnome' about 5 years ago from my 2nd Dad--we'll call him Mr. M.  That's Nomar in the photo.  Nomar has been a very active member of our family.  You can usually find him tucked in bed with his head on the pillow, waiting to greet the most recent returning traveling.  Or accompanying us on special events, like milestone birthday parties (which is where he acquired that large crack in his head when I kicked him after a few too many beverages--i also heart super glue).  At the time I received Nomar I didn't know how much I would come to love gnomes and how much they symbolized perfect moments....and home.

A couple of months ago I crossed #1 off my list and put the most beautiful piece of artwork on my body.  At the heart of my tattoo is the compass rose, which ancient sailors used to guide them home.  So tonight, as I reflect on all of the serendipitous moments, could it be that like the highnesses from that silly fairy tale, I had discovered things that were not part of my quest?  Or, better yet, is it that I didn't know what I was truly seeking?  

I am setting the gnomes loose....   I think I am coming home.

The only thing you are promised is this day

Today I sent my sister a text, "I miss us.  I miss talking to you.  I miss feeling connected.  Do you feel it too?"  And I cried.  Full on in your face crying in a hotel restaurant in Memphis.  Tears of joy?  No.  Tears of sadness, not really....just the realization that #25 getting crossed off the list was a long time in the making.

How is it that we let 'life' get in the way of truly feeling?  Not just the celebrations, but the tragedies, and every single magical moment in between.  Perception, pleasing others, and the rules of engagement for the 'game of life' seem to get in the way.  I wonder how much of life we miss in this vanilla state of living?

Over the past few weeks, I watched one of my dearest friends go through the heartache of losing her beloved mother.  Watching one of the strongest, most courageous, and stoic people in my life go through this process was one of the greatest testaments of love I have ever seen.  She amazed me with her balance of resilience, grief, and love.  Present, in the moment, she managed every conversation and situation with grace and heart.  She is her mother's daughter.

Each day presents us with moments, magical moments that I choose not to miss.  Maybe it is a sibling reaching out and boldly supporting you in a new and different way.  Or through a friend using her beloved mother's sewing kit to teach you how to sew--just the way her mother taught her so many years ago.

The only thing you are promised is this day.  What are you doing with your day?

Just call me the Incredible Hulk

What do a tattoo studio, letterpress class, & swim lessons all have in common?  They are all things I get to look forward to crossing off my list over the next 30 days.  And, to aid my journey I am adding a dose of fearlessness (#8) to the mix…..  

Feeling fearless is something I am having a lot of fun with these days.  Who knew I had it in me?  I have never been more true to myself or had more fun in my life than I am right now.   It’s as if I have a little skip in my step and am feeling a bit sassy.  Not the arrogant or annoying kind of sass, but the kind that you feel when the world is your oyster and you can’t wait for a brand new day. 

The funny thing is that the exterior world has not given me a break this past year.  I have never been more pushed or challenged in my entire life.  The myriad of events that keeps coming my way is overwhelming; the death of our beloved Emma, a 275 gal oil spill flooding our beautiful home, the most challenging professional transition of my career, cancer invading the bodies & families of everyone I hold dear, and loneliness that takes my breath away when Ann is on the road.

Yet, despite all of this STUFF I have never been stronger or more certain that the best is yet to come.  My fearlessness is coming from a fire that is burning from deep within and it would take a hurricane to extinguish this flame.   Where is this fearlessness coming from?  I think I have found my answer….and that is love.  Pure , simple, true, from the heart kind of love.  The kind of love that was intended to be given and received in abundance, every minute of every day.  The more I approach every person, thing, and experience from a place of love the more fearless I seem to become.  I get a visual of the transformation of the Incredible Hulk…I know not pretty, but that’s how it feels.  It’s addicting, has a ripple effect, and is completely free of charge.  So cliché, yet so perfectly, perfectly true.  Why the hell didn’t I try this earlier??

I have a plan of action on a few fun things on my list coming up in the next month.  I will be conquering a regret (learning to swim), learning a beautiful art (letterpress), and indulging a lifelong dream (my 1st tattoo).  But, I have to tell you my favorite thing I am crossing off my list is #08!